Illusions of Death
by ForgetMeNevermore
Summary: Shannon is still grieving over the loss of Boone, when a twist of events occur. Takes place sometime after the season finale. SB, with an addition of someone else later on. Please r&r, my first lost fic. Last chapter is up!
1. Illusions of Death

The realization was hitting her more and more every day. Boone was gone. He was really gone. She knew deep down, Sayid could never really fill that void, be so devoted to her, love her so unconditionally, be her family, her friend.. He wanted to, she could see that. She just knew it wouldn't be the same, no matter how long they were stuck on this island, or how long she knew him. Sayid wasn't there to watch her back through middle school, he wasn't there to ward off the guys throughout high school who were only looking to get up her skirt. He wasn't there to pay off those guys to leave her alone, when she had faked being in abusive relationships…

The monstrous noises were getting closer every day. Someone always had a new plan, some new tactic of survival. In the end, she knew it wouldn't work. She had no more hope of getting out of here alive. Sawyer and the others had come back a few days ago, without the little boy.. She found more comfort in Vincent then in Sayid, lately. Shannon knew she was purposely pushing him away. But everyone was so concerned about Walt to really notice.. She was too, but she knew they were all going to end up like Boone, it was only a matter of time. She was almost relieved to think of it.

Shannon wasn't sure how long she had been hiding in the tent, without coming out for food or water, when the attack hit. She couldn't breath. She laid in there, stroking Vincent, wheezing for air, until it got worse. She didn't attempt to get help. She laid there gasping for air, until she had felt her body tense up, and had to let go of Vincent, grasping hard at the blankets beneath her. She didn't want to be too loud, she knew some of the others were lurking around out there somewhere. The pain died down soon enough, when the dizziness became too overwhelming, and then it was only a matter of time before she drifted off, too tired to fight off the attacks anymore.

It was such a horrible feeling, being forced to wake up again, without being able to breath. Jack was holding something under her nose, and she couldn't fight it off, her eyes popped open wildly, and she clung to two arms that were on either side of her, as she gasped in desperately without thinking about it. One of the arms belonged to Jack, the other arm.. Sawyer.. She didn't even try to make sense of it, and didn't have to, after she soon remembered that the other men were figuring out ways to get to the other side of the island, where they thought Walt was taken.. That explained Sawyer's 'helpful' persona.

Jack started rubbing something on her chest at that point, and she knew it was what Sun had used, to make her start breathing that time. Tears streaming down the sides of her face, as she held in her breath intentionally, Shannon let go of Jack's arm, as she batted him away, striking at him hard. Releasing her other hand from Sawyer, she then tried to wipe that stuff off of her chest. She didn't want any help. Why couldn't they leave her the hell alone? She wasn't their family, and didn't consider herself their friend. Jack was just the saintly doctor trying to save everyone from the inevitable, and Sawyer, well maybe he was just feeling guilty for failing to save Walt.

"Shannon, stop! You need this to breathe-" Jack said, trying to get control of her flaring arms, as she continued to try and push the men off of her, but they just wouldn't give up. Sawyer grabbed a hold of her one arm more firmly, before catching her other arm, pinning her to the ground as Jack tried to put the eucalyptus back on her. This didn't stop her from struggling and resorting to kicking them.

"Shannon, breathe for me.. You need to breathe," Jack pleaded with her, as she figured it was more out of fear than anything. He had a look in his eyes, that he knew what she was trying to do. This just made him try all the more harder to get her to breath again, though.

Shannon's head was throbbing so bad by now, and she could feel the blood rush up to it. Sawyer was trying to stop her from kicking now, and practically had to straddle her to get her under control. Jack put on so much eucalyptus that she couldn't even fight it off anymore, her mouth opened and her nose unplugged, as she turned her head to the side, feeling more tears escape the corners of her eyes.

In the woods, behind one of the larger trees, she saw someone standing there, watching. It was too far off for her to be sure, but those blue eyes were undeniable. Shannon was sure at this point she had died. There was Boone. She stopped fighting Jack and Sawyer at this point, figuring that she had won, that she was dead. Even as Jack stroked back her matted hair from her forehead and Sawyer released his grip from her, she was sure that this was just them letting go of her body, seeing that she was dead now, and letting her rest in peace.

"Shannon, you're going to be okay," Jack whispered to her, but he sounded so far off, she was sure that he was just delusional.. It had to be hard for him, loosing Boone, and now failing to save her as well. "I'm going to take care of you. You're going to be alright, I promise," he said, but she was too tired to comprehend him at this point, as her eyelids got heavier, her breathing stabilizing, and soon she was asleep.

To Be Continued…


	2. Someone to Save Me

Weeks had passed. Jack was spending less and less time keeping tabs on her, though she knew he didn't trust her. Everyone who knew her on the island gave her weary looks, as if she was going to break at any minute. The only one she could stand to be around, to her own surprise, was Sawyer. He was unsympathetic and harsh, the only real treatment she was receiving from anyone.

"Kate said she saw two figures moving around in the opening to the jungle last night," Shannon continued talking, though Sawyer tried to appear too indulged in his book to even look up at her for the past ten minutes, as they sat under the tent. She found herself coming up to him whenever she was left alone. Deep down, she knew she was afraid of the visions she had had during her last attack, and maybe even afraid of herself at this point.

"Kate, huh?" he repeated, his first non-sarcastic response, as he finally looked up from his book, readjusting his reading glasses as he looked at her. "Where is she now? She didn't do something dumb like go out there looking around for these people, did she?" he asked, stressing the word as if it was all apart of Kate's imagination. Though, for him to even ask where Kate was, it was obvious that he was concerned, in his own way.

"So? What if she did?" Shannon shot out, finding herself annoyed that he would only have the slightest bit of communication with her if Kate was brought up, or even Walt. "Maybe it wouldn't actually be a dumb thing, because you know damn well I saw someone too. Someone's out there, maybe even the same people who took Walt, and we should go out and find them already!" she snapped, her voice high pitched as she sprung up from her seat. His eyes followed her, but she didn't give him the chance to say anything else, as she spun around and left. As irritated as she was, she knew she'd come back at some point. She always did have a knack for talking to people who didn't really want her around.

Assuming that Sawyer might still be watching her, Shannon made her way clear across the beach, until she came up to the vast patch of trees stretched out in front of her. She hesitated at first, but only a few seconds, before plunging into the jungle herself. She knew Kate hadn't went out here looking for these people by herself yet, she had to talk it over with Jack and the others first, possibly being too afraid to go alone. But Shannon hardly cared at this point. She had been out here by herself many of times, especially after Boone's-.… and nothing had happened to her. As long as she didn't go too far back, she assumed she was fine.

After going far enough out, Shannon turned around, only to find Sawyer hadn't even cared to follow her. She didn't know why she wanted that attention from him, when she was trying to escape it from everyone else. Maybe she missed the bantering relationship that she had shared with Boone, and could only find a match in Sawyer. He was annoying, after all.

Shannon stopped walking after a few minutes, looking around in confusion. She hadn't even realized that she had kept walking after looking for Sawyer... Lost in thought, she realized she must have started pacing around, until she had reached a part of the jungle she didn't recognize. It was too thick in this part, not the dense, shallow opening that she was used to. She had wound up too far out, and spinning around, looking to all sides of her, she couldn't even tell which direction she had come from.

Fear coursed through her, and then utter panic. Her breath caught in her throat, she even imagined someone reaching from behind her and grabbing her. It felt so real that she let out a scream, but no sound came out… A hand was over her mouth. And that's when full terror set in, someone had grabbed her, and now had their hand over her mouth, with their arm wrapped tight around her waist, practically lifting her up from the ground as they pinned her body back against theirs. It was a man, she could tell by the strength and grip. Her mind became blank, she couldn't even move. Just when she thought she was ready to burst into tears, or pass out, or even have an attack, something hit the man from behind her. She could feel the force of the blow, since she was so close to him. Someone had hit the man in the head with something hard, causing him to jerk and tighten his grip on her for a brief second, before his arm loosened around her waist, and his hand dropped from her mouth. In that instant, Shannon stood still, feeling the man fall to the side and hearing him hit the ground with a thud. She was too paralyzed to turn around or move, and before she knew it, her knees had buckled under her, and she fell forward, landing face-down into the wet grass below.

Flashback

"Come on, they won't miss us," Scott whispered to her drunkenly, pulling on Shannon's hand as he led her out of the side door of the school, and into the parking lot. He was sixteen, captain of the wrestling team, with silky dark hair and soft green eyes. He had had over twenty girlfriends since their junior high days, but when he had shown interest in her, especially since she was only fourteen at the time, Shannon immediately thought she had to be something special, that maybe he had fallen for her, and the other girls were nothing serious. He had told her he wanted to buckle down, that she had made him want to be a better man, that he wanted her to be his girlfriend and that he would take care of her, all that romantic stuff that could steal any girl's heart after hearing them for the first time.

It was the night of the prom, and she was the youngest one there, only being allowed to go because Scott had asked her, since he was a junior. Boone, of course, had warned their parents, telling them horrible stories about Scott and trying his damnedest to convince them not to let her go. But it was Shannon's hold over her father that got them to agree, promising him she'd let Boone watch over her the whole night, and that she would be back as early as 10.

"But--what are we going to do out here?" Shannon asked, knowing it was a dumb question. He was taking her to his car, she knew that, she wasn't stupid. Maybe he wanted to make out though, he was older, he had needs, and they had never hit second base yet. They had hardly touched first. "I was having fun in there." She laughed, to show him she wasn't trying to be childish about this. Maybe she could play dumb though, and back-out later. She did love him, and she didn't want to ruin this. In her eyes, they were going to be together throughout high school, maybe they'd even end up at the same college, if she went.

Scott didn't answer. He only smiled, that deep, charming smile that she couldn't resist, and she fell silent, until he had led her into the backseat of his car. It was like some made-for-TV movie that she wanted to get out of. She didn't want to go as far as he probably had planned, but she had tried to assure herself that it wouldn't. Everything that had happened next came too fast, making her mind a blur, it had almost seemed like a dream. The next thing she remembered, he had her pinned down on the backseat, his hands tightening around her wrists, his mouth pressed hard against hers. She hadn't even realized that she had been struggling until he was pulled up off of her, and yanked out of the car.

She was too stunned to react at first. She laid there disoriented and confused, looking down at herself and thankfully finding her clothes still in-tact. Pulling herself up, Shannon quickly tried to straighten up her hair and clothes, so no one could tell what might have happened.. That's when she saw it--Boone was standing over Scott, who was lying limply on the parking lot. There was blood gushing from Scott's mouth and nose, the whole top part of his face was covered in purplish bruises, and his arm was twisted behind him at an odd angle. He moaned out so painfully, that is sent chills up her back. And then there was Boone--not a mark on him, standing over Scott, completely frozen as he stared down at him. It wasn't until she heard the gurgling noises coming from Scott that she realized, Boone could have actually killed him. He almost had. She had never seen her brother fight before, or so much as yell, and now, he had almost killed a guy, because of her.

Boone was arrested, as Scott was taken away in an ambulance. Charges were dropped though, once Scott came-to. Maybe he was worried that Shannon would file assault charges, and she would have, if he had tried to press charges against Boone. All she had to do was show them the bruises on her wrists, and all Boone had to do was verify her story, and Scott would have been in trouble himself. But no one was charged. Boone was released, and Scott would be fine, after his broken arm healed, and the swelling died down. He was kept in the hospital for awhile though. He had fractured ribs, and so many other things wrong with him, that would luckily heal over time. He had to tell his parents that him and Boone were drunk, and were fighting over a girl, which was partially true.

Boone never fought again after that, he never tried to. Shannon knew he would have though, if it came down to her being in any real danger, she knew he might… But through the years, when she had pulled stunts to try and get money from him, and would claim to be in abusive relationships, Boone would come to her rescue as always, keeping a close eye on her as he tried to solve things in a more humane manner, by simply paying the men to leave her alone and disappear. She knew he would do this, pay them instead of kill them, and that's why she lied, because she knew she could get her share of her father's money that way.. Sure, if she had asked Boone, he would have given her money to live off of, but she was too proud. She hadn't even went to college, and she had spent most of her money drinking and supporting various boyfriends throughout the two years since she had finished high school. And now that her money was dwindling, she needed a fast fix, but didn't want to lose the respect and adoration of her brother... She still wanted him to save her, in more ways than one.

To Be Continued…


	3. Reunited

Her eyes fluttering open slowly, Shannon tried to readjust her blurred vision to her surroundings, her mind still delayed in remembering what had just happened. As the trees became clearer, the brightness dying down, she dared to let her eyes stay open, gazing over the jungle that lay out before her. It took awhile until she could remember, thinking back to that feeling of being lost, that fear of being grabbed by someone…

Her breath catching in her throat, Shannon looked around with a newfound panic, trying to lift her head up, but it felt too heavy, and was throbbing too bad. She closed her eyes as the pain rushed to her head, tears squeezing out from beneath her closed lids, as she felt soft fingers trace along her upper cheek, gently wiping away the moisture.

Instinctively, she opened up her eyes again, knowing they weren't her own fingers, and wanting to catch sight of this 'predator' before he disappeared. But when she opened her eyes, laying down there beside her, with his stomach pressed to the ground just like her, was Boone. He let his fingers trail away from under her eyes, stroking them softly down her cheek, until they came to rest on the side of her jaw.

If she had thought this was real, she would have screamed, cried, jumped up, held onto him, or even slapped him. She would have done something other than lay there staring at him, letting silence fill the air, which is just what she did.

"Are you hurt?" he asked after a long period of silence, such a hardened look on his face, yet his blue eyes always betrayed him, as they filled with worry. His hand hadn't moved from her face yet. He felt so real.

"You look different," she spoke out, her voice almost catching in her throat, which made her words come out choked and quiet. In all her other dreams, he had looked the same, but now, he was changing on her. She couldn't figure it out. "You're dead," she muttered under her breath. She always said this, even when she knew she was dreaming, though each time she was hoping for a different answer. Maybe he'd give her clues, give her some newfound insight, tell her that this whole damn island was some big nightmare, and that the plane crash had never happened.

Boone's eyes gazed over her once more. It was as if he was trying to memorize every detail. He never did this before in her dreams, which made her wonder why this one was so different.. Maybe she was dead too, and this was really Boone.

"You have to go back," Boone's voice came out dry, a sad, slight smile twitching across his lips.

Shannon frowned at this, her eyes narrowing on him curiously. This wasn't right. He couldn't be a dream.. He had never touched her before in a dream, or talked so funny, or looked so different.. "Are you going to leave me again?… Are you?" she pressed him, trying to make her voice rise to a threatening level, as she gave off her most hurt, and betrayed expression.

Boone tore his eyes away from hers, for the first time. Taking his hand back, he sat himself up. He was moving, blinking, breathing.. Things were all too-real. Shannon forced herself up at this point. She didn't care about the stabbing pains shooting through her head, the blinding surge that shot behind her eyes, or the harsh numbness that had settled into her legs from laying there so long. As soon as she sat up, Boone reached out to grab her, his hands encircling around her arms, looking at her as if he was afraid she'd either fall back down, or run off. His touch was so real at this point. She knew this wasn't a dream.

Shannon reacted back, wiggling out of his grasp, and the second he let go, slapping him away from her. He kept trying to get a hold of her though, as if she had gone hysterical, but she shoved him hard, making him fall back, to where he had to use his hands to keep himself from falling and prop himself up.

"Where have you been? WHO the hell are you!" Shannon screamed out. Even though he looked real, and looked so much like Boone, she couldn't get herself to fully believe this. Boone was dead, she had seen him, before they buried him. She knew he was dead, and that this couldn't be realistic. Someone, some strange monstrous person, had taken on her brother's identity. This island had a lot of out-of-this-world stuff going on, and she knew this had to be one of them… But she also wanted to believe that this was, somehow, her brother. Her companion, her lover.

Boone sat up, regaining himself, and before she knew it, he took a hold of her again, and pulled her towards him, wrapping her up in his embrace. He clung to her like he used to, whenever he wouldn't see her for six months at a time until he would have to 'save' her from all those guys. Or whenever she would reappear back home after taking off for several months of partying overseas. He held her close to him, his breath catching on her neck, his hands massaging against her back, his chest heaving heavily against hers. He hugged her for so long, and she didn't push away, she didn't dare to. She knew now that he had to be real. No one could impersonate Boone down to every detail.

Shannon was too confused, too devastated and relieved at this point, that she hadn't even realized she had begun sobbing. She didn't even have it in her to react when Boone pulled away, and scooped her up in his arms, holding her close to him as he carried her through the jungle. Everything happened so quickly, it was too much to take in. All she could focus on was his hands around her, being held in his arms, her head cradled against his chest.

When he put her down, they were back at the campsite. He laid her down carefully in her own tent. It was so dark out that none of the others seemed to be awake, and if they were, they probably wouldn't have noticed them anyways.

"Why are you leaving me?" she asked, as he backed up, not even sitting near her this time. After he had laid her down, he pressed his lips softly to her forehead, kissing her so briefly, before he backed away to the entrance of the tent.

"I was never hurt in the plane, Shannon.. I heard something I wasn't suppose to, and they took me away after that.. Don't make the same mistake, don't get involved," Boone whispered to her, his voice barely audible, his face so dark against the night.

"Who was out there? With us?" she asked him, needing to know, even though he had warned her... There were people out there. Kate, Michael, Jin, and Sawyer.. They weren't crazy. Someone had taken Walt. Someone had even taken Boone, and made them all think he was dead. Someone-- someones --had taken them both. Someone had grabbed her out there, maybe even wanting to kill her, after she had seen Boone that day, when she had the asthma attack. And Boone, her hero, had saved her once again. But where was he going to disappear to? Where was Walt? Why couldn't they come back? What the hell was this place..

"Shannon, stay with Jack," Boone said, and she heard him back away after that, out of the tent.

"But- You're going back!" she screamed out, wanting to understand, but the only answer was the sound of his footsteps, running towards the trees, and away from her. "Boone?" Still, no answer, and not even the sounds of him leaving anymore.. He was moving further and further away from her again. "BOONE!"

To Be Continued…


	4. A Partner in Crime

Sayid stayed close to Shannon, as they headed deeper into the jungle, with Jack, Sawyer, Kate and Michael just a few steps ahead of them. They were headed to the other side of the island, the only place they could think of to where Walt could be. Even if he wasn't there, some other colony, or group of people, had to be there. Some of the others had seen glimpses of people through the woods at night, so they had to try to find these other people, for Walt's sake. Someone on this island had to know something, because they weren't the only ones here..

As the ground became increasingly steeper, the group half-climbed, half-stumbled up the hill. This is when the guys seemed to go into overdrive with their protective, macho-like behaviors, or at least that's how Shannon looked at it. Jack stayed up ahead, reaching down to help up Kate, as he looked back to see how the others were. Michael stayed close behind them, with Sayid close by, who kept reaching down to take Shannon's hand and pull her up. Unlike the time they had all hiked up the cliffs together, Shannon didn't push him away and refuse help. And unlike that first time, Sawyer brought up the end, seemingly concerned that she'd fall, since he kept pushing on her and sticking close by, too close for her comfort. She didn't like them treating her and Kate like they were apparently weaker.

Once they were safely up the last of the hills, they all agreed to rest for the night. For once, Sawyer actually helped Jack, as they set up a campfire and laid out the few blankets they had brought. Sayid kept unusually quiet, and as Shannon got up to take a small walk around, he got up too. She didn't think he'd actually follow her. She actually just wanted to be left alone, having went on this trip for her own mission, though she didn't tell the others about what had happened a few days ago. There was a good possibility that they wouldn't believe her, so she had kept it to herself, especially when she found out where they were going. She was going to find him herself, she was going to bring Boone back, somehow.

As she paced further off, Sayid's hand reached for hers, as he picked up his pace to come up beside her. Shannon instinctively drew her hand away, turning to see Sayid, as she came to a stop. He gave off a hurt smile, his dark eyes piercing hers, his hair fading into the darkness that surrounded them. "I'm worried about you," he said, always so blunt in what he was thinking, or what he felt. This would have normally made her swoon, made her reach back out for his hand and take it in hers, pulling him close to her. But she didn't, she couldn't. Finding Boone had consumed her mind. When he was around, it was easy to concentrate on Sayid, knowing that Boone wasn't too far away, and even when he wasn't around, it was easy to try and let Sayid take care of her and comfort her through that difficult time. But now that she knew Boone was out there, that he was still alive… No one could replace Boone for her.

"I'm fine.. I'm just anxious to find Walt," she said, which was true. She did care about that kid, but she cared about her brother too. If only Sayid knew who else was out there, and why she needed to come along, but he couldn't know that. She couldn't tell him.

"I'm going to get some sleep," Shannon said, smiling apologetically, before she lowered her head, and headed back for the campsite they had set up. Sayid reached for her hand again, which caught her off-guard, and made her stumble back and finally stop in her tracks.

"Shannon… Please, talk to me," he pleaded. She couldn't even look him in the eyes. After seeing Boone that night, she couldn't honestly look Sayid in the eyes. After she had lost Boone, she felt like she was the next to go, that such a big part of her was missing, but she struggled on, hoping that somehow Sayid could save her. She knew now that only Boone could save her.

"I'm tired," Shannon repeated, taking her hand gently out of his, as she kept her eyes lowered, and pulled away.

It was nearly dawn, and she still hadn't fallen asleep. Time just seemed to drag on, and she felt she couldn't wait any longer. They needed to get there. Shannon sat up finally, it wasn't any use laying down and pretending anymore, Sayid was fast asleep, he wouldn't see her awake. Looking towards Michael, she wondered how he was doing, and what was going through his mind. He was probably the only one here just as anxious as her, with that overpowering feeling of dread weighing down on him. She watched him carefully. He thrashed from side to side in his sleep, his face wrinkled up in a pained expression. He soon went still again, only to repeat the thrashing process only a few minutes later.

Taking in a deep breath, Shannon looked around at the others. Kate, Jack, Sayid, Sawyer… but Sawyer's blanket was empty. Looking around in confusion, her eyes soon caught on a small blaze of light, coming from one of the surrounding trees. It was a cigarette. Shannon squinted, to try and make him out, just to be positive it was him. She saw a hand wave her over, the hand that the cigarette wasn't in. She didn't move though, until her eyes adjusted more, and she could make out his dirty blonde hair, strands of it hanging down into his face, which lit up to a golden color when the cigarette was brought back to his mouth.

Getting up quietly, she moved softly towards where he was hidden, stopping as she came only a few feet from where he sat.

"Couldn't sleep, princess?" he asked, in his usual taunting tone, which she had come to realize was just his normal way of talking to certain people. It was better than his angry, harsh tone, or his depressive one, which she had overheard a few times when he was talking to Kate.

Shannon sat down on her knees, still not coming too close to him, which made him cast a curious look at her. She looked down after that, not meeting his gaze.

"Hey, kid," he said, his voice softening only slightly. Still, it sent an uneasily chill up her. Was this pity? "What's wrong?" He sounded like he genuinely wanted to know, though.

"Will you help me…. If I tell you?" she asked, finally looking back up at him, her eyes glazed over with tears. Just thinking about it, and actually failing to find Boone, made her so scared.

Sawyer took the cigarette out of his mouth, patting it into the ground, and then flicking it away. Leaning forward, he stared at her so intently, his face falling more serious. She couldn't imagine what was going through his mind, and regretted even bringing it up for a second.

"What is it?" he demanded to know. She became more upset at this, like she had been caught, as if she was going to be punished and taken back to the crash site, because they would consider her crazy, or a danger to herself. She opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off. "What is it?" he repeated.

"Boone's alive," she said, trying to make him see how serious, and how desperate, she was by the tone in her voice. Something must have struck him, though, he didn't laugh or seem annoyed. He simply frowned, his brows furrowing, as he studied her face. He didn't even give her a look like she was delusional. He seemed to actually be taking in what she was saying.

Reaching his hand over, he laid it on her knee. She didn't know what to think, Sawyer was pretty unpredictable.

"Don't tell them, not now," he said, glancing over at the others, and she knew that by saying this, he had agreed in his own way to help her.

To Be Continued…


	5. In Death

The second she woke up, a sheering pain shot through her head. It was so blinding that she had to immediately shut her eyes again, afraid of getting sick or passing out from the pure agony of it. Curiosity won over though, after awhile of laying there with her eyes tightly shut. She had to look, even if just for a fleeting second. Shannon couldn't remember anything, the last thing she could think of was Sawyer smoking, and blowing that damn smoke in her face. And now… she was laying somewhere, which felt soft and warm under her. It wasn't the jungle at all.

Carefully opening her eyes, she saw Sawyer, laying at her side. A gash of blood was etched into his forehead, turning his face a sickly pale color, making a chill slide down her back just looking at him. Of course, she thought he was dead, and as she opened her mouth to say his name, a cry escaped instead. She willed her hand over to him though, latching onto his arm, shaking him with all the strength she had, which was practically none at all.

If her head hadn't felt like a ton of bricks was weighing down on it, she would have done something, thought of something, tried to move, but she couldn't do any of these. Not even being able to turn her head, she looked around the area before her, which seemed vaguely familiar.. Something was too familiar about where they were.

"SHANNON! SAWYER!" Jack's voice yelled from behind them, his footsteps racing towards them, the sound of his breathing coming nearer, with more footsteps following behind him. Just hearing him, Shannon did something she immediately regretted, by moving her head to try and look behind her, which instantly caused a surge of pain to slice through her forehead, tears coming out just at the feeling.

The second Jack reached them, he sunk down by Shannon's side first. By this time, her eyes were closed again, trying to will off the pain she had just caused herself. She did however feel Jack reach down for her, lifting her up into his arms, his fingers carefully tracing over something that was on the back of her head.. He said a lot of things, most of which she didn't even try to listen to, but as he gently placed her back onto the ground, moving towards Sawyer, she forced herself to stay attentive. "You're going to be okay," he whispered to her, before she heard him turn to Sawyer, calling out his name, probably trying to wake him up. Kate's voice quickly joined his, and Sayid's.

Her head still turned to the direction that Jack had came from, Shannon finally reopened her eyes, needing to know where they were at, and how far they had gotten to Boone. But what she saw, was more horrifying then she could imagine.. They were back at the crash site.

FLASHBACK

"Where do you think you're going?" Boone asked, his voice gentle yet strained, as if at any second, he'd try to pull some authoritative tone and try to take control of the situation.

Shannon had her bags already packed though, still wearing the same black dress she had two days ago, which was horribly wrinkled by now, since she had barely left her bed for all that time. But, it was time to leave now, her father was dead, and she had no reason to stay here anymore.

When she didn't answer, lifting a bag up over her shoulder and pulling out the handle to her transportable suitcase, Boone rushed forward, taking a hold of her arm as he pulled the bag off of her shoulder.

"Damn it Boone, grow up! Now, give me that," she snapped at him, launching for the bag, but he only jerked it away and held her back, still having a grip on her wrist.

"You're not leaving! Where the hell do you think you're going to go? You have family here, Shannon," he said, his voice raising to her level by now, as he let go of her and snatched the handle to her suitcase, taking both away from her as he moved across the room. Shannon was quick on his trail though, tears welling up in her eyes as she eyed him angrily from behind.

"You're actually stopping me from leaving! You know damn well you can't Boone, you know I'll escape here eventually, you can't control this!" she screamed at him, feeling a sense of relief as he stopped walking, dropping her bag to the ground and releasing his grip on her suitcase.

As he swung around to face her, she was shocked at the look on his face. He wasn't angry, or annoyed. His eyes were glazed over with tears threatening to give out, but she knew he wouldn't do that in front of her. He looked genuinely crushed.. They stared into each other's eyes for so long, silence filling the air between them for what seemed like an eternity.

"Don't leave me," he said, so desperately, under his breath. He looked at her as if she was more than a sister, something so much more, she didn't even think there was a name for it. She knew by now what he felt, even though he never said a word. They were something more than family, more than friends, and it scared her every single time to think of it. What scared her more, was that she loved it, having someone who would love her, so unconditionally.

"If I stay here, I'll die," she said, for once, not making up an excuse. If she stayed here, where her only parent had raised her, had loved her, she wouldn't make it. There were too many memories here.

"I won't let you," Boone said back, always having an answer for everything. She watched as his muscles flexed under his shirt, as he walked forward. His brown hair falling slightly in his face, his blue eyes so wide and captivating, they pierced into hers. She knew he could take care of her, through thick and thin, but she wouldn't let him this time.

She was torn now. She had Boone, but she wanted her father too.. The only way to escape, was to leave them both. Leave here. If she stayed, she would want her father back, and the only way to be with him now, was through death.

Through death…

"Sawyer?" Jack's voice pierced through her thoughts, but not for long. She heard a grunt in response. He was alive.

She used to think about it, death. What it would be like, where she would go, if there was actually an eternal afterlife, where her dad was still alive.. Where there would be no worries, no fear, no pain or hurt.

"I won't let you leave," Boone said, subconsciously she imagined him adding the word "me" to the end of that. She knew that's what he meant.

There had been pushing, sobbing, and screaming, all on her behalf, as she struggled the luggage away from him. She even brought Boone to tears, as she shoved him away from her for the final time, practically having to rip the bag from his arms. He had let go though, after awhile, because he knew he couldn't stop her. She'd run away, she'd find some other way out if he tried to interfere.

She knew as soon as she left, that she wouldn't be able to make it on her own, though. She'd probably latch onto Boone even more so than before, making him come out to stay with her, calling him, anything she could to keep him with her. And she knew he'd do the same, that if she didn't call him, he'd be the one calling her. That if she didn't ask for help in a few months time, that he'd be at her doorstep seeing what was wrong, why she hadn't contacted him. He couldn't loose her, and despite what she had always told him, about not needing him, she couldn't loose him either.

"Shannon, can you hear me?" Jack's voice came softly from beside her. She was somewhere else, Sawyer wasn't by her side anymore. She soon realized that she was under the tent, where Jack took everyone that was injured.. She nodded carefully, remembering the pain from before.

"What happened?" she whispered out, slowly opening her eyes, as she saw Jack's concerned face hovering over hers. He was dabbing something onto her head. She felt something odd behind her head though, some new kind of pain, her skin feeling forced together… He must have stitched her up.

Jack let go of the cloth, that he was using to sooth on her sore head, now bringing his hand up to rest on her forehead, as he smoothed back her hair. It reminded her of Boone, always trying to take care of her, after a binge drinking party, or when she felt so weak after throwing up all night..

"You and Sawyer disappeared, Shannon.. We don't know what happened, but you both ended up back here. We stayed out there for as long as we could, trying to find you, and when we finally headed back… there you were," he told her, sounding just as confused as she was. She knew Sawyer had agreed to help her find Boone, and that was the last thing she could remember. Then, they both ended up back here, beaten and discarded… She honestly couldn't remember what happened, or how.

"In death," she muttered, letting her heavy eyelids close again. Boone wasn't dead, maybe no one really died on this island.. Maybe there was a way she could be with Boone, and avoid the 'others'.

"Shannon… Shannon?" Jack's voice faded slowly, though she could still feel him near her, one of his hands clutching onto hers, trying to wake her. She fell fast asleep, though.

To Be Continued…


	6. What It's Like

"You okay, Sticks?" Sawyer's voice came from behind her, making her stop dead in her tracks. Shannon debated on even turning around, but she knew he could outrun her, if he even cared to run after her. She didn't picture Sawyer as the type, but lately, he was full of surprises.

It had been a few days after the attack. They still couldn't put the pieces back together, and figure out what happened to them from that night they "disappeared", until the time they were found unconscious back at the crash site. There was still a hunt going on for Walt, and now everyone seemed to be in on it, unfortunately not for their concern over Walt, but for the fear for their own safety. All of the survivors wanted to know who, or what, was out there, after Shannon and Sawyer turned up beaten and left for dead by people unknown. Most were even scared to go to sleep at night. It was turning into chaos, slowly but surely.

It was late in the evening. Her head was still killing her after Jack had stitched her up, though she didn't have to worry about taking care of herself now, since he made true to his promise, and was right on her tail the moment she even winced in pain. Jack was becoming the surrogate annoying older brother, yet he could never fill the shoes of the one she carried a torch for.

Turning around to face Sawyer, she saw him propped against a tree, his attention now elsewhere. She walked back, coming up to where he stood, as she looked out over the wreckage and scattered people, trying to place where his eyes were glued to. And soon enough, she found his newfound interest: Jack and Kate. They were talking near his 'work tent', smiling awkwardly to each other, failing to make eye contact, as Jack shifted his weight nervously and Kate tried to hide the fact that she was blushing. This flirtation was getting on her nerves, she had never seen two people more timid in her life.

"Is that what it's like?" Sawyer asked, somehow having guessed she was already beside him, and looking in the same direction he was.

Shannon frowned over at him, before looking back out at Kate and Jack. She opened her mouth to question him, but he cut her off before she could. "Just like what you feel for your 'brother'?" he stressed the word purposely.

Now she was too confused to answer. Of course, it didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out her and Boone weren't really related, and besides, maybe Sayid had told him.. But more than likely, he had just caught on by himself.

"I'm going to get some rest," she answered in an annoyed sigh, turning to leave Sawyer, as she headed back that way. She wasn't going there though, and he had known that, or else he wouldn't have stopped her in the first place. But now that Sawyer's jealousy was on the rise again, she figured he'd be too distracted to try and play follow-up with her.

It hadn't taken very long, to get to the rocks that rose up over the ocean in a sort of cliff-like formation. She could remember that one lady sitting up there, the one Boone and Jack had saved after the plane first crashed, the one who had lost her husband… And now it was Shannon's turn. But she didn't intend to go up there to grieve.

Shannon stood at the very edge of the cliff, looking down over the drop-off, at the water that lay below. She had decided she could finally defeat the 'others', the ones who had stolen her brother from her. If she couldn't have him in life, she would meet him on the other side. They couldn't keep her from this, and they couldn't keep them from each other. In death, there was peace. There was no damn island, or mind games, there would be her father, and hopefully soon, there'd be Boone.

Closing her eyes, she knew she had to do it fast, before she backed out. For some reason, she felt the need to stretch out her arms before leaning over, standing on the tips of her feet, as she tilted forward and let her balance go. The rush of wind hit her the wrong way though, she felt as if she was being pulled back, by a force stronger than she had imagined. It was only a few seconds later that her mind could focus on what was really happening; she hadn't fallen at all. Someone had grabbed her abruptly from behind, lifting her up in their arms as they snatched her back. Feeling the strong, tight grip around her waist, Shannon's eyes shot open in alarm, her hands instantly going to whomever had grabbed her, and trying to pull them off.

Her supposed-savior stood her harshly back onto the ground, before grabbing her arm and forcing her to turn around and face them. She was hoping deep down it was Boone, so that she could once and for all tell him that she had given up, and that she couldn't wait for him any longer. But it wasn't, it was Jack.

"What the hell are you doing up here, Shannon!" he yelled at her breathlessly, but he already knew. His eyes kept trailing to the cliff, and then back to her. He was the one who had pulled her back, of course he knew what she meant to do.

"Is it Boone? Is that why you're up here?" Jack asked accusingly. She was in too much shock to answer him. She was afraid he knew what was going on, and soon enough, he confirmed her fears. "Sawyer told me everything."

Shannon opened her mouth to answer him, when a crunch, followed by a few snaps, came from the woods behind them. Someone was there. Closing her mouth, Shannon looked over Jack's shoulder, trying to see if it might be him… He had come when she was first attacked, out in the jungle that day. Maybe he was here now, to try and save her again.

"Is that him?" Jack asked her, not turning around at first. Shannon could only look up at him dumbfounded. He believed her… She couldn't believe he bought her story, especially after only hearing it from Sawyer's mouth. Maybe it was the only explanation he could believe though, after both of them wound up missing and turned up as badly beaten as they were. There were too many mysteries on this damn island to doubt any answer.

Finally moving, Jack turned towards the woods slowly. As if on-cue, the person who was lingering behind the trees came forward, revealing their dark features, and deep blue eyes.

Shannon gasped in, just upon seeing him again. Jack froze. The only one who had any sense to do anything at all, was Boone, who slowly emerged towards them, until he was standing only a few feet away.

As much as he tried to focus on both of them, Boone's eyes kept coming back to her, a sad, almost helpless look over his face, his hand twitching at his side, as if he wanted to reach out for hers.

"God Shan… Why are you doing this to me?" his voice came out weaker than before, when she had last heard him on that day in the jungle.

Looking down, Boone closed up the remaining gap between them, standing before Jack and Shannon, his features twisting up in fear and pain. "I'm- I'm so sorry," he started out, and neither of them had the courage to interrupt him with questions, there were just too many to ask. His words came out choked and quiet as he went on, and they could tell he was afraid of who was listening in… "I don't know where Walt is, he could very well be on the same part of the island I'm on.. I can't even be sure.. The people I'm with- I'm their only connection to civilization, which ironically, is us survivors… I can't tell you everything, I won't. You'll be in even more danger… But they watch you, they watch every step you take, we're almost like a pawn in their games. You've been manipulated and tortured, because of them… I don't know what they want, or what their plans are, but Locke was right from the beginning, we're not the only ones on this island… And I have to go back."

Everything was so silent after Boone spoke. Jack was the first to break this though, moving towards Boone as he wrapped his arms around him. Shannon could see the tears gleaming in his eyes as he hugged him. She could tell he still held out hope.

Pulling back from Boone, Jack looked down at him for the longest time, turning so serene, as he kept his hands on Boone's shoulders. "Let me take your place," his voice practically pleaded. She had heard how Jack fought so hard to save her brother, maybe he found this to be his chance. And as guilty as she felt, she couldn't help but pray there was a way, any way, for Boone to come back to her.

"Jack no, no-" Boone cut him off, shaking his head as he pulled away, frustration coming over him. "You're needed here."

"You're needed here too. You can't tell me there isn't a way, Boone. If they can make us think that you're dead, they can make you forget everything, and put me in your place." Jack tried so hard to convince him, it amazed her, he really wanted to take his place.. He wanted to save him. Things were so confusing, they were happening all too fast. Her new savior and her old one, debating on which one got to disappear from her life forever. The doctor and her lover. How could life go on without either of them?

"Jack… Where I'm at, it's worse than-" Boone stopped himself, only briefly, to look her way, as if he didn't want her to hear. But knowing she wouldn't leave, he had to go on. "Jack, you can never come back. They live in their own sort of purgatory there.. It is purgatory," he said in a mere whisper, stopping suddenly, when they heard soft footsteps coming from behind them..

No one spoke, no one moved. All three of them were too afraid. Feeling a hand grab onto hers, Shannon was the first to break the silence, yelping out as she jumped back. Looking beside her, her eyes wide in terror, she saw that it was only Sawyer, who had grabbed a hold of her hand. He smirked, giving her hand one final squeeze, before he let go, and turned to face Jack and Boone. She knew he must have been listening, she just knew..

"Then I'll go," he said to the other two, moving right past them, heading towards the direction that Boone had come. "I ain't no damn doctor, and I'm certainly not needed here. I think this might actually work out," he laughed, turning around to face his stunned audience, just before he entered into the woods. "Hell's been waiting for me for awhile, children. At least I'm going out with a bang- who would have thought of me as the martyr?" He said his final words, booming loud and triumphant throughout the jungle, everyone must have been able to hear him, even back at the campsite. And Boone was right, 'they' were always watching, and they came.

Flashback

"Is that what it's like?" Boone asked, turning away from the staircase to look over at her. They were both peering down at their parents, her dad and his mom, slow dancing in the dining room of their estate.

"What?" Shannon asked, having only come to watch and wait until they left the room, so that she could go down and steal some of the fruit they had laid out for a late-night snack just for them. Her and Boone had only been brother and sister for just over six months, but already he was calling her father "dad", and referring to her as his sister everywhere he went. And he wasn't a dorky, overly-excited ten-year-old about it either, he just brought it up as if it had always been that way for him, that he had always had a sister, and she had always been a part of his life.

"Being in love, that's what it's like," he had to answer his own question, since to Shannon, at the age of eight, it was a disgusting thing to talk about. "It must be great, to feel that needed."

Shannon looked over at him, studying the side of his young face, as he watched their parents wide-eyed, his hands clutched around the bars of the steps. Boone caught her watching him though, and as he looked over at her, a smile found its way over his lips. He looked at her like no one in the world had looked at her before, but at that time, she didn't know what to make of it.

To Be Continued…


	7. Another Life

Since she died, I've been looking for some way to get out myself. I know I deserve Hell for what I've done, for what happened. I guess the only thing I could hope for is to somehow make up for all that I caused. What's worse, I don't regret what I shared with her. I'd sacrifice anything to save her from what happened. What a waste I've become, giving up everything over love, who the hell would have predicted this of me, fcked-up James Ford.

-- (Oct. 24, Sawyer's Journal Entry, written one week after the crash) --

Shannon opened her eyes slowly, only to be brought back to another day on this island. The first image she caught was those blue eyes, which must have just opened themselves, as they gazed sleepily back at her.

Yawning, until she remembered morning breath, Shannon clamped her mouth shut quickly as a small smile crept across her lips, keeping her eyes on Boone. Without a word, his hand slowly made its way towards hers, grasping her small fingers in his palm, as he mimicked her smile.

Things had been different for weeks, ever since Locke, Boone and Sawyer had went out into the jungle together, when they found that plane and had tried to send out a distress signal. She knew how easily it could have been Boone in the plane, instead of Sawyer, how it could have been Boone that had suffered all those injuries when the plane fell, how it could have been Boone that Jack couldn't save… Even though she hardly knew Sawyer, she felt this odd sort of grieving feeling, in the pit of her stomach. She felt her brother was spared in a way, by Sawyer's death, probably because she knew Boone was the type to volunteer first. It was a miracle he hadn't been in that plane, in Sawyer's place.

But Boone was safe. He was alive. He was here, with her.

FLASHBACK

--------------------

The plane jerked, for the second time. This time it felt different, there was more force behind it. Shannon gripped hard at the armrest, leaning her head back against the seat, as the plane made an awful sound. She soon felt Boone's hand over hers, gripping to it tightly. When she turned her head to look at him, he was doing the same thing as she was, his head back against the seat, taking in deep breaths.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. "Shannon, put on your seatbelt," he said, opening his eyes as he looked over at her, the plane now feeling like it was driving down a rocky, uneven road. She hesitated, about to argue. "Now!" he ordered her, his hand gripping tighter to hers, just as the plan bounced up again. She took her hand out from under his, as she did up her seatbelt. After that, everything happened so fast. The plan jerked more forcefully. Some guy in the back of them screamed, and she could hear something, like a person, being thrown against the ceiling of the plane. Boone grabbed for her arm this time, holding onto her tightly, as if that could actually protect her. The air masks fell down. She didn't even have a chance to grab for hers when Boone made a grab for it, and put it on over her head, securing it over her mouth and nose, and then going for his own. She could have never predicted they would actually make it.

--------------------

The others were all up by now, but Shannon and Boone remained laying beside each other, still staring into each other's eyes, hand in hand. Things had been left unsaid for the most part, since Sawyer's death, but Boone had gone back to his protective stage, reclaiming his position in Shannon's life as her white knight. And, to his surprise, Shannon had been keeping Sayid at a distance. Sawyer's death just… just made her realize how much she needed Boone in her life.

"I love you, Shan," Boone whispered to her, his expression falling serene, as his thumb gently rubbed over her knuckles.

It felt like a lifetime had passed while she was sleeping. She could faintly remember a nightmare in the back of her mind, probably one in which Boone had died… She just knew that when she had woke up, she had this overwhelming feeling to hold Boone, to watch over him, to keep him by her side.

"I love you, too," she said back, her smile growing. For the first time, she felt she had meant it, in the same way Boone had.

The End.

(Just in case anyone's confused, here's what happened: Sawyer had taken Boone's place that day in the jungle, and by doing so, the "others" had changed everyone's memories, making it so that it had been Sawyer that had died in that accident in "Do No Harm", instead of Boone, and that Boone had been alive all along.)


End file.
